


One Year

by areyoutherelarry



Series: Tomlinson-Styles Family Series [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Family, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-28 01:39:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8425747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoutherelarry/pseuds/areyoutherelarry
Summary: So many things can change in one year. After Louis and Harry get remarried, Harry is desperate to have another baby. Louis concedes even though he panics every time he thinks about the results of the last pregnancy. Here’s to hoping that this pivotal year turns out differently than the last one.





	1. In laughter - In strife

**Author's Note:**

> "How do you measure - measure a year?  
> In daylights - in sunsets  
> In midnights - in cups of coffee  
> In inches - in miles  
> In laughter - in strife"  
> Seasons of Love
> 
> Obviously, none of this is true and I'm not profiting from it. 
> 
> This is a part of a series, but you don't necessarily need to read "In the Lonely Hour" to understand this story (though it might be helpful).

            Harry and Louis are perched on the edge of Michelle and Frank’s couch. Finn and Lola are in her garden, playing footie with her son, Mark, Maisie is cooing over her toddler daughter, Lily, and Toby lies on the floor with her middle-aged child, Amelia, and works on a puzzle.

            Harry can’t stop shifting, and Louis knows how desperately he wants another child. How he wants it to be Michelle who has the baby. Louis rests his palm calmingly on Harry’s thigh and squeezes gently. Harry tries to smile reassuringly, but Louis can see right through his camera-ready smile. Louis presses his thumb in harder to the meat of Harry’s thigh and Harry unnoticeably pushes his leg into it.

            “We’d like to have another child,” Harry confesses.

            “Okay,” Michelle says cautiously.

            “We’d love for you to be our surrogate,” Harry says.

            Michelle fish-mouths, and Louis jumps in, “This is, absolutely, not pressure. We know you may not want to, but we wanted to ask you first.”

            “Because we’d love you to do it,” Harry adds, and Louis nudges him.

            “I’m quite old,” Michelle reminds.

            “We understand if you don’t feel up to it,” Louis promises, and Harry shoots him the most deadly glare.

            “Let me talk it over with Frank and see what he thinks. I’d be okay with trying one round of IVF, but only one round, loves, because I’m old.”

            “Are you serious?” Harry nearly shouts and jumps up off the couch.

            “Yes, I’m serious, you both know I’m a sucker for rekindled romance, but I have to talk to Frank.”

            “H, calm down.”

            “You are my favorite person in the whole world, Michelle.”

            “Rude,” Louis grumbles, and Michelle laughs cheerfully as Harry kisses the crown of her head.

            Eventually, they migrate to the kitchen and Harry is making dinner when Frank comes home from work and grouses, “Again.”

            “Only if it’s okay with you, love,” Michelle responds, and Frank shakes his head with bemusement.

            “How can I say no to these two lunatics?” Frank laughs and Harry launches himself at Frank, picking him up, “Put me down Tarzan. You realize that Shelly has had more children for you posh wankers than she has for me.”

            “Well we do go about it in a much more civilized fashion,” Harry retorts, and Frank snorts and puts Harry in a headlock. Louis laughs jovially.

            “Some husband you are,” Harry jokes as he rubs the back of his neck.

            “Guess I’m still learning; we’ve barely been married two years, ya know?”

            “Oy, shut your bloody mouths,” Michelle complains as she goes to save their dinner from burning.

            Louis and Michelle set the table as Frank helps Harry finish dinner. Michelle looks at him concernedly, “You two are okay, yeah?”

            “Of course, never better,” Louis promises.

            “I thought that last time too, though,” Michelle responds softly.

            “That wasn’t your fault,” Louis says emphatically.

            “Could’ve fooled me,” Michelle laughs but Louis can hear the worried and accusatory undertones of the comment, “Nobody spoke to me for months. I heard about your divorce through the Sun, the bloody Sun, Louis. I blamed myself for so long, and then Harry called me up and asked me to lunch when he was in London as if nothing had happened. I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t bring it up with him; I couldn’t shake the feeling, though, that I was somewhat to blame for your divorce.”

            “Neither of us ever blamed you. It was our fault, and it was probably coming a long time before we lost Noah.”

            “Still,” Michelle sighs, “What if it happens again?”

            “It won’t, Shel; it won’t.”

            “What if it does?”

            “We’re better now. We communicate better now. I promise you if it happens again, we’ll one hundred percent support you and each other.”

            “Cross your heart?” Michelle asks and her tone is jovial but frank.

            “And hope to die,” Louis replies earnestly.

            The table’s not really big enough for all of them, so there’s a lot of chair sharing and lap sitting. It’s entirely domestic and it makes Louis’s heart soar with love and contentment.     

            After dinner, Louis, Frank, Finn, Mark, and Lola sit in the lounge to watch the footie match. Lola sits on Louis’s lap cheering for her favorite team while the boys sit on the floor closer to the TV to scream at their respective teams.

            “You won’t do to her what you did last time,” Frank states emphatically, and Louis doesn’t even know if he’s supposed to respond, but he isn’t who he is because he keeps his mouth shut.

            “Of course not, I would like to know why I’m the one being picked on?”

            “Oh, it’s not just you. I dug at Harry too while we were finishing dinner. He promised nothing was going to go wrong, but I need to hear it from you as well.”

            “We’re really good, Frank. We won’t be so stupid again. I promise.”

            “Cross your heart?” Frank asks.

            Louis snorts and Frank side-eyes him. Louis clarifies, “Your wife said the same thing.”

            “And?” Frank questions.

            “And hope to die,” Louis guarantees.

            The night ends with cookies and milk before they leave to go back to the London house. There are a million hugs that go around. They plan another dinner for a few weeks from now. Michelle tells them that she’ll set up an appointment as soon as she can because she’s not getting any younger. They kiss her cheek and thank her profusely. Finn hugs her extra long and Maisie kisses her cheek sweetly. The other two do not know what’s going on, but they’ll tell them soon enough. When everything is settled…when everything is good, they’ll tell everyone.

            They put the kids to bed. Louis reads with Lola while Harry bathes Toby and reads to Toby. Maisie and Finn watch a movie and then put themselves to bed. It’s nearing midnight when Louis and Harry finally crawl into their own bed in just their boxer-briefs. Harry scoots down so that his lips are aligned with Louis “It Is What It Is” tattoo; he nips gently at it. Louis runs his fingers through the hair at Harry’s nape while he presses a kiss to the top of Harry’s head.

            “I’m so thankful she said yes,” Harry whispers into Louis’s clavicle.

            “Me too,” Louis replies, lifting pieces of Harry’s hair with his faint breath, “I’m also terrified.”

            “Lou,” Harry reprimands gently, glancing up at him. His green eyes imploring, “You can’t think like that.”

            “I lost everything last time,” Louis chokes and he doesn’t want to cry; he really doesn’t want to cry.

            “We both lost a lot,” Harry responds stiffly.

            “I don’t really think you understand what those years were like for me. I know you were unhappy too, but I don’t think you really understand how miserable I was. I promised Frank and Michelle that it wouldn’t happen again, but there’s still a part of me that isn’t sure that it won’t happen again.”

            “Well that part of yourself is an insecure, selfish, bloody bastard.”

            “You know I am a bastard, right? Like the actual definition of the word. That’s kind of insulting, you know?”

            “Shut up, it’s not going to happen because we won’t let it. No matter what happens, we’re going to talk to each other and make it work.”

            “Okay.”

            “Don’t sound so enthusiastic, wanker.”

            “Are you trying to rile me up?” Louis asks, tugging on Harry’s hair softly.

            “Maybe,” Harry responds and nips a little more roughly at Louis’s collarbones.

            “Fuck, H,” Louis moans.

            Harry slips his hand into Louis’s pants and wraps it around Louis’s cock. Louis moans, biting his lips because he knows that Finn is still awake and doesn’t want to scar their oldest for life.

            “I want to ride you,” Harry murmurs as he straddles Louis’s hips.

            “H, Finn isn’t asleep yet.”

            “Then you better be quiet.”

            “H,” Louis whines as he cants his hips upwards.

            “Baby, shh,” Harry says, pressing one of his long, elegant finger against Louis’s lips.

            Harry takes off both of their boxer-briefs and presses kisses into Louis’s erogenous zones except his dick. Louis threads his fingers into Harry’s hair and directs him to downwards, “Stop teasing.”

            “Be quiet,” Harry enunciates, pressing kisses onto Louis’s hipbones. Since he’s been back with Harry and their family, his tummy has flattened a little bit because of Harry’s health food. He feels less self-conscious now when Harry nips at his navel. Harry reaches into the bedside table and grabs the lube. Harry coats his fingers and presses them into his own hole; Harry mimes the erotic noises he knows Louis loves. Louis is jealous of Harry’s self-control. He bites his bottom lip again as he continues to watch Harry finger himself.

            “I’m going to come if you don’t get on me now,” Louis says, pulling Harry down to him for an obscene kiss.

            “You’ll still come too quickly,” Harry responds, “Might have to get out the cock ring.”

            “Love,” Louis whines.

            “Are you trying to scar our oldest for life?” Harry quips lowly in Louis’s ear. Harry covers Louis’s mouth with one hand as he guides Louis’s cock into him with the other. Louis is glad Harry is covering his mouth because he lets out a guttural sound that’s thankfully muffled by Harry’s massive hand.

            Harry keeps Louis’s mouth covered, and Louis wouldn’t necessarily call himself a mouth-breather, but he gets a little woozy as he tries to keep up with Harry. Eventually, Harry pulls his hand away so that he can kiss Louis. Engulfing Louis’s lips so that no sound comes out. Harry’s not bouncing up and down like he would’ve twenty years ago. Instead, he’s grinding on Louis’s dick so the slapping noise is brought to a minimum. It draws out the coil in Louis’s abdomen, the telltale sign that he’s about to come lasts longer than it did when they first got together. When Harry pulls their lips apart and slaps his hand back over Louis’s mouth so he can kiss down Louis’s neck, the actions send Louis over the edge. He grabs Harry’s hips, pulls down, thrusts up, and comes. The keening noise is muffled by Harry’s hand. Harry is still seated firmly on Louis’s hips, grinding in slow circles, when Louis comes down from his orgasm.

            “Pull me off, cover my mouth,” Harry orders, guiding one of Louis’s hands to his mouth and the other to his erection. Louis knows how Harry likes it in these moments long, quick strokes. Nothing jerky or he might lose it. He pulls Harry down for a kiss so he can press a finger in next to his deflating cock. Harry screams into his mouth as he comes. Louis gently tugs on Harry until the aftershocks are gone, and then he licks Harry’s come off of his fingers.

            “Stop it,” Harry commands.

            “Or what?”

            “Or we might have to go again.”

            “Probably not old man. We haven’t been able to go a second round in quite some time.”

            “Always worth trying for.”

            Louis laughs and pulls Harry off the bed. He starts a warm shower for them and nearly carries Harry under the spray. They kiss languidly under the hot water. Harry’s dick does show a little interest but he bats Louis’s hand away in sensitivity when Louis wraps his fingers around the tip.

            “You were right,” Harry mumbles but kisses him again anyways.

            Louis dries Harry off and leads him back to their bed where Harry flops down unceremoniously. Louis chuckles and goes to get Harry’s loosest and softest pajama bottoms because his erection is still showing interest when they both couldn’t go again, stupid cock. He helps Harry into his bottoms and kisses his navel. Harry groans and Louis shushes him. Harry flips onto his side, and when Louis lies down, Harry undulates his ass into the cradle of Louis’s hips.

            “Harold,” Louis reprimands as his exhausted dick jumps a little bit.

            “Didn’t want to be the only one going to bed with a semi. I’m not a teenager after all.”

            “Wanker,” Louis mumbles but shimmies his hips just to aggravate Harry.

            “Go the fuck to sleep,” Harry demands, and Louis snickers into Harry's neck.


	2. In Inches- In Miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has trouble processing their situation, and Louis tries to be as supportive as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!

            Lola and Harry are having a stare down over the bowl of fruit she’s refusing to eat.

            “I don’t like fruit,” she replies emphatically.

            “Lola,” Harry sighs, “ You have eaten fruit every day of your life since you started eating baby food.”

            “I don’t like it. I’m a grownup now and you were tricking me when I was little.”

            “You’re not a grownup,” Harry sighs, rubbing at his temple, “It’s not negotiable, Dolores. Eat your fruit.”

            “No,” she replies and crosses her arms over her chest.

            “What’s going on?” Louis asks when he walks into the kitchen, running his fingers along the small of Harry’s back.

            “Papa is trying to make me eat the gross fruit,” Lola replies.

            “Fruit isn’t gross,” Louis laughs.

            “Yes, it is.”

            “Dolores.”

            “Don’t call me that,” she yells.

            “Don’t act ridiculously,” Louis responds.

            “Fine, you eat it first.”

            “No, you’re not getting out of the bowl so easily,” Louis says.

            “I’ll get you a bowl,” Harry offers, and Louis shoots him a dirty look. Harry gives a fresh bowl to Louis with a saccharine grin. Louis’s lips twist into a pout but he takes the proffered bowl. Harry adds, “You two have to eat fruit so your football skills are better.”

            “My football skills are great,” Lola snarls as she intently watches Louis methodically chew his fruit.

            “They could be better,” Finn retorts as he grabs a banana and walks past them with a soccer ball tucked under his arm. Lola glares at him as he heads into the garden, but she stabs a piece of fruit and shoves it into her mouth. She fake gags a little bit as she chews and Harry rolls his eyes as he watches them both grimace as they eat.

            “Go outside and play,” Harry orders after they both finish their bowls.

            “Race you,” Lola yells as she starts sprinting through the kitchen. Louis laughs and jogs after her.

            Harry is putting their bowls in the dishwasher when his phone rings; he jumps and rushes to where it’s sitting on the counter. It’s Michelle.

            “Hello?” He answers and he knows his voice sounds too eager.

            “Harry? It’s Michelle,” Her voice is excited.

            “Hi Shelly.”

            “Is Louis with you?”

            “No, but I can go get him.”

            “That’d be lovely.”

            Harry sprints for the door and calls Louis. Louis jogs towards him, his cheeks pink, and a smile on his face. Louis looks at him questioningly and asks, “What’s up?”

            “Shelly’s on the phone.”

            Louis’s air gets caught in his throat and he pushes Harry into the house, demanding, “Put it on speaker.”

            “You have both of us,” Harry declares once the phone is on speaker.

            “I’m pregnant,” she declares with a giddy laugh. Louis whoops with excitement and wraps his arms around Harry who lets out a gleeful and tearful noise, “I just got the results of the blood test from yesterday and my next appointment is in two weeks.”

            “I don’t know if I can wait two weeks,” Harry responds.

            “Well, you’re going to have to,” Michelle teases, “Do you all want to come with?”

            “Of course,” Louis responds and Harry makes a sound of agreement. Harry copies down the information that Michelle provides and then they thank her profusely, again, before hanging up the phone.

            “Oh, Lou,” Harry says as he sees the tears well in Louis’s eyes.

            “It was such a long shot,” Louis retorts through his sniveling.

            “It was meant to be,” Harry replies, kissing the top of Louis’s head.

            “Sap,” Louis accuses as he buries his face into Harry’s neck, and Harry holds him closer with a hand on the base of Louis’s skull.

            “What’s wrong?” Maisie asks, her voice trembling a little as she walks towards them.

            “Nothing’s wrong, love,” Louis assures.

            “But you look like you’ve been crying.”

            “Happy tears, I promise.”

            “Okay,” Maisie responds quizzically, but they don’t offer anything more. They want to tell them, but they’re worried. They know Maisie and Finn have an inkling about what’s going on, but they won’t confirm or deny it just yet. Louis and Harry were not the only ones affected by Noah’s passing; Maisie and Finn were devastated when they brought home only one baby.

            Shelly calls every few days just to tell them how she’s doing, mostly to placate their worry. She tells them that she feels fine; she’s not having any complications. She’s eating well and taking her vitamins. She’s getting enough sleep. It’s like an inane checklist she must go through. Louis feels a little bad for her, but it also calms his nerves so he doesn’t stop her from doing it.

            The appointment takes forever to come. They make arrangements to arrive without the media finding out. Harry wakes up early, ungodly early. He usually gets out of bed without waking Louis, but he is restlessly flopping around.

            “Love,” Louis mumbles as he flops onto his stomach, “Stop worrying.”

            “I’m not worrying,” Harry retorts as he shifts again.

            “Come on, love, don’t lie to me.”

            “I mean of course I am,” Harry mumbles and Louis runs his hand along Harry’s chest.

            “We’ll be okay, no matter what,” Louis promises, kissing the part of Harry’s arm that is closest to Louis’s face.

            “I love you,” Harry says, and Louis knows he’s agreeing. Harry kisses the top of Louis’s head as he gets out of bed, “I’m going to let you go back to sleep and I’m going to go for a run.”

            “I love you too. Have fun,” Louis says as he flops onto his other side and closes his eyes. Lola wakes him up an hour later.

            “I need a snuggle,” she declares as she burrows under the sheet, “Where’s Papa?”

            “He went for a run,” Louis declares as he opens his arms, “Come here, love.”

            Lola settles into his side. She’s sleep-warm and her hair gets in Louis’s mouth, and Louis loves every bit of the experience. It’s as if she can read him. He needed one of his babies close to him, and, of course, Lola came to the rescue.

            That’s how Harry finds them when he comes up to take a shower after his run. He smiles at them and kisses both their foreheads as Lola tries to squirm away because he’s sweaty. It’s early August and the kids have to go back to school soon. Louis doesn’t want them to go back. He knows that’s silly, but he doesn’t want to miss any time with them. He knows he couldn’t teach them like the wonderful staff at their school, but he still wants more mornings like this.

            When Harry gets out of the shower, he asks Lola if she wants to help him with breakfast. Lola jumps out of the bed and is sprinting down the stairs immediately. Harry laughs and follows her. Louis sits up in the bed, almost unwilling to let another day pass, scared of the appointment that is only a few hours away. He takes a deep breath and throws his legs over the side of the bed. He changes into his most comfortable clothes that make him feel safe. He never realized that getting older didn’t mean getting better at managing but getting better at coping with all the problems of adulthood.

            Harry and Lola are making a frittata for breakfast. Lola is artfully arranging vegetables on top of the eggs. She’s singing along to the music that Harry has chosen. Maisie is coloring at the table with Toby, and Louis can see Finn out in the backyard.

            “Need help, Lola?” Louis asks.

            “Sure, dad,” A yes for help from Lola is an anomaly that Louis wants to take advantage of. They lay asparagus and tomato slices artfully on the top. When they’re done, Harry pops it in the oven and starts frying turkey bacon. Fizzy and Lottie are going to come over to watch the kids while they’re gone. They haven’t exactly lied to the kids about where they are going, but they haven’t been exactly truthful either. They haven’t told anyone what is going on yet. It’s only Michelle, Frank, her OB, and them who know.

            As they finish eating breakfast, Lottie and Fizzy burst in. There’s a flurry of hellos and hugs. Lottie has brought her two kids and a bunch of crafts. Fizzy has brought some new books for the kids, and a board game for them to play. Fizzy whispers good luck, and Louis wonders how she can be so intuitive. She doesn’t know where they’re going, but she knows that they need luck. Louis holds onto her extra-long.

            They ordered a car, so they can scurry inside as quickly as possible. They don’t talk much on the ride over, but they sit pressed together with their fingers weaved together. When they arrive, Harry squeezes Louis’s hand before crawling out of the backseat and scurrying through the alley’s door to the clinic. Michelle is waiting for them with a smile on her face. She’s wearing an A-line top but even without that Louis doubts she’s showing. They wait in the lobby during the first part of the exam; they’re here for the ultrasound and they want Michelle to have her privacy. The nurse tells them when it is time to come into the exam room. They have the ultrasound machine set up and with her shirt pulled up Louis can tell that Michelle’s belly is a little extended. Harry holds Michelle’s hand as the technician shows them their baby. Louis keeps his hands on Harry’s shoulders that have tensed a little as the technician began.

            The technician makes a curious noise and starts examining the screen critically. She smiles at them and says, “I’m going to get the doctor for this.”

            Louis feels his heart soar into his throat and Harry’s shoulders tense even more under his hands. He can tell too that Michelle’s grip tightens on Harry’s hand. Harry lifts her hand to his mouth and kisses it. She smiles at them.

            “I want to say something funny, but I can’t think of anything,” Louis confesses. Michelle laughs, a relieved smile on her face. Harry leans back into him and looks up at him. Louis kisses Harry’s nose and that, finally, makes Harry laugh lightly.

            The doctor comes in with a large smile on her face and sits on the stool. She wields the ultrasound wand with confidence and authority. She smiles at all of them again as she presses the wand to Michelle’s stomach, “Let’s see what we have here.”

            She hums and haws and Louis doesn’t think he breathes the whole time she wields the wand. She finally finds what she wants and announces, “So there’s a reason you’ve already started to show.”

            “Okay,” Michelle responds softly, unsurely.

            “If you look here, you can see a baby,” She says and then gesturing to a different spot she says, “And if you look here, you can also see a baby.”

            “Twins,” Harry exhales, and suddenly he’s standing. He rushes out the door before Louis can shove him back into his chair. Louis waffles between wanting to follow Harry and staying with Michelle. He decides to stay with Michelle because she’s probably already feeling abandoned and vulnerable at this point.

            “I’m sorry. I thought this would be a happy moment,” the doctor says, and Louis just nods at her.

            “We know,” he replies, “We’ve lost a twin before. It’s still a touchy subject.”

            “I’m so sorry,” She says gnawing on her lip.

            “Not your fault, we should’ve mentioned that it was our child when Michelle informed you. It’s why we’ve come to you. We’ve heard your reputation for being adept with high-risk pregnancies.”

            “They’re both healthy,” she responds, “Quite large for twins at this time.”

            “That’s good,” he replies and squeezes Michelle’s hand who’s biting her lip as the doctor talks more about how she doesn’t see any complications.

            Once the doctor leaves, Louis helps Michelle off the table and she asks, “Is he mad at me?”

            “No, love. I think he’s just scared. You know how anxious he can get. The world was probably just closing in on him. This was something we were both nervous about.”

            “All three of us. It was something all three of us were nervous about.”

            “I’m sorry, love.”

            “I know.”

            “I know he’d like to see you before we part. Would you like to go get frozen yogurt?”

            “Only because I’m crazy about passion fruit right now.”

            “Craving?”

            “No, I was obsessed before I got pregnant.”

            “Well, I’m glad we can indulge you.”

            “Meet you guys there?”

            “We can all ride in the car we ordered. It should be fine.”

            “If you’re sure.”

            “I’m sure,” Louis promises and kisses her cheek. She heads to the car while Louis goes on a search for Harry. Louis finds him in the bathroom leaning over the sink, washing out his mouth and rinsing off his face.

            “Love?”

            “Why did it have to be twins?”

            “It will be okay, Harry.”

            “Will it?”

            “Yes, but it doesn’t matter anyways because we promised this wouldn’t happen.”

            “Are you reprimanding me?”

            “If I need to. If you haven’t already reprimanded yourself already. We promised her this wouldn’t happen. We promised each other.”

            “Stop making me feel guilty Louis.”

            “You should feel guilty.”

            “Fuck off. You don’t…”

            “I don’t what, Harry? I don’t understand? Because if those were the words about to come out of your mouth, I have half a mind to pop you. I understand the best out of anyone, and you can’t just leave us like that. I love you, but you can’t do that and pretend you’re not at fault.”

            “Lou,” His voice is raw and Louis can tell how scared he is. He’s still mad at him, fury tightening his throat, almost like tears would, but they’re not tears…they’re not.

            “Come here,” Louis gestures and Harry comes to him quickly without hesitation, “You’re not allowed.”

            “Not allowed to do what?”

            “Be endearing. I hate when you’re an asshole, but endearing at the same time. Curse you.”

            Harry laughs into Louis’s neck, hot and wet. Louis always thought this was endearing too, but it’s actually just gross, tears and snot coating his neck. The reason it’s endearing is because you love the person, not because this is anything but gross and the furthest thing from romantic.

            “I’m sorry,” Harry whispers and it’s even stickier. Louis desperately wants to wipe off his neck, but instead he rubs Harry’s back.

            “Not just to me,” Louis reminds, and he feels like he’s reprimanding one of the kids, not his husband.

            “I’m not a child, Louis.”

            “Then stop acting like one,” Louis huffs as he wipes off his neck and guides Harry to the car with his hand on the small of Harry’s back.

            Michelle is typing away at her phone when they finally crawl into the back of the car. She looks up with disdain and then goes back to typing. Harry is properly reproached because he plops down in the seat furthest from her and makes Louis climb over him. The irritation in the air is stifling and Louis has a visceral urge to start cracking jokes. He pinches Harry’s thigh, and instead of smacking him, Harry grapples to hold his hand. Louis lets him take it and then he hears Harry take a deep breath before saying, “I’m sorry, Michelle. Truly and undeniably sorry.”

            “You should be,” she responds earnestly.

            “I am,” he promises.

            “I know,” she replies, “And you’ll never do it again?”

            “Never,” he promises and squeezes Louis’s hand tightly. Louis squeezes back.

            Michelle gets a massive cup of froyo and tops it with fruit and gummy bears. They chat about their kids and how they’re getting ready for the new school year. This will be the first year of primary school for Michelle’s daughter, Amelia, and their son, Toby. Michelle and Harry get a little weepy talking about it, but it just makes Louis think about why they’re doing it again and why he’s so excited to do it again.

            Frank comes into the place like a man on a mission. He squares up in front of Harry and wags his finger, “She’s my wife, and you may be Tarzan, but I will fight you if you hurt her again.”

            “I’m sorry,” Harry apologizes, acceptingly chastised.

            “You fucking better be,” Frank hisses as he drops a kiss on Michelle’s head who grabs his hand and squeezes. Louis squeezes Harry’s hand as well in solidarity. They part on much better terms. Harry apologizes again and they make plans for Michelle’s next appointment. It’ll be more difficult now that they have to fly back and forth from LA. Harry will attend the next one because Gemma has a book launch that weekend anyways that he wants to attend.

            They pack up and go back to Los Angeles, which makes Harry a little more anxious because he can’t call or check up on Michelle as easily. Harry gets up much earlier than usual and comes to bed much later. It’s bad that he gets up so early to workout forever but now he has to go back to filming his parts in the show. Louis never sees him and the kids are getting whiney and clingy without Harry around. And while Louis is older, not having sex with his husband for three weeks is killing him. He drinks enough tea one night before bed, so that he’s still awake when Harry crawls into bed. He smells like sweat and stage make-up, which actually makes Louis feel a little bit better because at least he’s not having an affair. Louis rolls over and puts a hand on Harry’s hip. Harry stiffens and Louis feels like vomiting.

            “Not tonight,” Harry says, “I’m tired, Lou.”

            “I know. We don’t have to. We don’t have to shag. I just wanted to be with you. Talk to you a little. I’ve missed you, H.”

            “Don’t make me feel guilty,” Harry huffs, “It’s work. You know how it is.”

            “I’m not trying to,” Louis sighs, “I just really miss you, H. The kids miss you. I haven’t talked to you in what feels like days.”

            “I spoke to you this morning about the kids’ schedule and that I wouldn’t be home for dinner. I also said that I’m going to fly out for Michelle’s appointment tomorrow after filming.”

            “That’s not talking, H.”

            “We said words to each other.”

            “Stop being ridiculous.”

            “I’m tired, Lou. I need to go to sleep.”

            “I love you,” Louis says.

            “I love you too,” Harry responds and flops away from Louis to fall asleep.

            Harry perfunctorily kisses them all good-bye as he leaves for London the next morning. Lola clings extra tightly to him and Louis watches her eyes dim when Harry just places her back down on the ground after his usual routine.

            Louis gets a call four hours after dropping Lola off that he needs to come and get her. He doesn’t get many details, but he does learn that she scratched another child. He arrives and is escorted straight into the principal’s office where he finds a sullen Lola. He ruffles her hair and listens to the principal’s diatribe: she’s suspended but Louis figured that when he got the call.

            “Lola, what happened?”

            “She told you what happened,” Lola sulks.

            “But I’d like to hear a little bit about the motivation behind said actions.”

            “I was mad. That girl is a bitch, so I scratched her. I should’ve done more than that.”

            “Lola, where did you learn that word?”

            “Finn.”

            “Your brother shouldn’t be saying that word and neither should you. You shouldn’t have done more either.”

            “Yes, I should’ve. She’s always getting on my case. She’s always judging me and making fun of us of our family. And papa just left this morning,” she yells and tears spill down her cheeks.

            “Oh love.”

            “Are you guys getting divorced again?”

            “No, baby, no.”

            “You haven’t kissed in forever, and papa is a robot again. Don’t leave,” she bawls, and Louis pulls over so he can crawl into the back of the car. He pulls her into his lap and kisses the top of her head, making promises that he’s scared he can’t keep. She tucks her head under his chin and he rubs her back in small circles as she gets the final tears out.

            When he finally gets her calmed down, he drives back to the house. They make lunch together and Louis thinks about how to tell Harry about today. He doesn’t want to tell him, but they’ve also promised not to keep secrets from each other.

            The other kids come home and Maisie immediately folds Lola into her arms. Finn hovers over them like the good big brother that he is and Toby sidles under Maisie’s arm like the little brother he is.

            They cancel all their afternoon activities and go to the store for junk food and candy. When they get home, they call Harry and all of them talk to him. Louis tells Harry about Lola’s suspension, but Harry is too distracted to give it much thought. Louis takes a deep breath and doesn’t let himself think about divorce. They order a pizza and pick out a movie. They cuddle and Louis makes sure he snuggles all of them super tight at least once, even Finn who groans but doesn’t pull away.

            Lola stays home the next day, but Louis makes sure she does all of the work Maisie brought home for her and then he makes her clean her room. They have a long talk about how she can’t take her anger out on anybody else, and she promises she’ll work on it. However, she’s Louis’s daughter and he knows it will always be a struggle for her. Anne calls around lunchtime.

            “Hello?” Louis answers.

            “Louis?” Anne asks softly.

            “Yes?”

            “How are you?”

            “Well, Anne. You?”

            “I’m fine. It’s Harry.”

            “Is everything all right? Is he okay?”

            “I don’t know. I was going to ask you the same questions.”

            “He’s having a little bit of a rough go right now,” Louis confesses, but he can’t tell her about the babies. They promised they wouldn’t tell anyone until Michelle was twelve weeks along and it’s only been ten.

            “Are you getting divorced?”

            “Not that I know of.”

            “What’s wrong with our boy, Lou?”

            “He’s having trouble balancing everything. I think his anxiety is ramping up. It has happened before.”

            “He’s got dark circle under his eyes. We just watched a movie; he drank a whole bottle of wine and then pressed his head to my shoulder, cried, and fell asleep,” Anne reports.

            “It’s stress, Anne.”

            “It’s more than stress, but I know you will tell me in your own time. I just wanted to make sure your marriage was okay.”

            “Our marriage is fine, Anne. I won’t give up again. I know what life’s like without him, and I don’t want to experience that again.”

            Harry calls him the next day about the appointment and tells him everything is good. The babies are healthy, Michelle is healthy, and everything is fine. Louis can hear a little bit of relief in Harry’s voice.

            “I know I’ve been awful, but you know I love you, right?” Harry asks.

            “Of course, I do. I love you too.”

            “I’m so tired,” Harry whispers.

            “I know, love. Come home, we could take a trip. We could go somewhere.”

            Harry laughs tearfully, “What about the kids?”

            “We have nannies and mums.”

            Harry laughs again, “I have filming.”

            “You’re too good for that show.”

            Harry chuckles, “I’m not but thanks for being a supportive husband.”

            “We could still go.”

            “We can’t Louis, but I appreciate the sentiment. I really do. I’m sorry you know.”

            “It’s okay, love.”

            “It’s not. Also, did you say that Lola got suspended yesterday?”

            “Yeah, it’s okay I handled it.”

            “Lou,” Harry entreats, “We’re supposed to do this parenting thing together.”

            “And sometimes we pick up each other’s slack. We share that really.”

            “I’m scared and stressed, but I’m going to be better.”

            “I look forward to it.”

            “I really, really love you.”

            “I love you, too.”

           Harry comes back the next day and he cuddles with all the kids. He talks to Lola extra long and holds them all extra tight. He cuddles into Louis’s body that night and it feels better, not the best but better.

            The next two weeks are rough, but not as rough as the ones before. Now, Harry is running himself ragged and putting on a happy face. Louis knows it’s his happy face, but the only kid who suspects is Finn so he lets it be because it’s better than before. He kisses Louis long and hard. They have sex, but Harry’s attention always seems split. They both want to make it work though, and that’s what matters.

            Louis goes to Michelle’s next appointment. He has Rover stuff and a guest spot on Liam’s show for cover with their families, so he’s going to be gone for quite a while. Michelle’s appointment is the first thing on his agenda. He’s feeling a little jet lagged when he shows up. He sees her in the waiting room and when she stands up, he can see her belly through her shirt.

            “You popped,” he says in awe.

            “You can touch if you want,” she says indulgently. He places his hand on her stomach and he knows he won’t be able to feel them moving around until week twenty. He kisses her cheek.

            “How are you?” Louis asks.

            “I’ve got horrible heartburn, but nothing’s wrong with the babies,” she reports.

            “I meant you. Not the surrogate,” he teases.

            “Harry only seemed into the babies last time.”

            “I’m sorry, love.”

            “Never thought you’d be calmer and more enjoyable to have at these things.”

            “Rude.”

            “Sorry, love, but completely true,” she laughs, bumping shoulders with him, “I’m well, thank you. The kids are all at school most of the day so I’m alone gestating babies most of the day.”

            “And you’re well? Emphasis on you.”

            “Yeah, love. Thank you.”

            He leaves her alone for the beginning of the appointment because he knows it can get awkward. The sex question is always weird and so are all the fluid questions. He was scarred enough during Finn’s appointments to know better and keep himself sequestered in the waiting room until the ultrasound.

            The ultrasound technician smiles at them and shows them all the angles of the babies that she can find. Louis records a video to send to Harry. She tells them that she’ll have the doctor come in. The doctor comes in and exams the ultrasound. She declares that everything looks good to her. Louis lets out an exhale and kisses Michelle’s cheek. He takes her to lunch before saying good-bye.

            He calls Harry and tells him all the good news. Louis can hear Harry’s exhale too and they hang up with words of love. He has a few more days in London and the house feels empty. He calls Harry on the phone at night because it’s hard to sleep without him now.

            He’s been gone a few days when the phone rings while he’s on the way to the studio. It’s Finn’s phone, which is weird because it’s past midnight there and it’s a school night.

            “Why are you up?” Louis asks accusatorily.

            “Dad,” Finn’s voice is soft and full of tears.

            “Love, what’s wrong? What’s happening?”

            “Papa’s throwing up.”

            “He didn’t tell me he was sick.”

            “He’s thrown up every night. I don’t think he’s sleeping either. Dad, I’m scared.”      

            “It’s okay, love. If he doesn’t have the flu, it’s probably anxiety. He’ll be okay.”

            “Are you staying in London for a long time?”

            “I’ll be back on Friday, love. I promise. Can you put papa on the phone?”

            “I don’t want to go in there.”

            “It’ll be okay, love. You can blame me later.”

            He can hear Finn knock on the door and then fumbling and hushed voices. He can hear Finn crying and Harry responding to the tears. There’s more rustling, and then Harry picks it up, “Hello?”

            “Hi, babe.”

            “Hey.”

            “Are you okay?” Louis asks.

            “Not really. I need you.”

            “I can be back tomorrow,” Louis promises. He has Rovers stuff, but he can send his personal assistant, Ethan, to do most of it and he can conference call the rest of it.

            “I know you’re coming back. I do.”

            “But it doesn’t matter. You’re worrying incessantly about everything and this is one worry I can take away.”

            “You don’t have to come back,” Harry says on a watery laugh.

            “I want to,” Louis replies.

            “I love you so fucking much.”

            “Me too. I love you so fucking much every fucking day.”

            He goes to the studio and Ethan finds him a flight. He hates plane rides and he doesn’t even pack anything but the essentials. Ethan is a lifesaver and is going to do his packing for him and bring it with him when Ethan flies back after the Rovers meeting. First-class is the only thing that makes flights even remotely redeemable. He tries to sleep but the worry seeps into him when he can’t move for eleven hours. He finds Harry asleep on the couch when he finally comes through the front door.

            Louis caresses Harry’s cheek and kisses him gently. Harry smiles and sits up quickly. Harry kisses him roughly and gropes at Louis’s body, grappling for a place to hold on to. He’s chanting, “I missed you,” and “I love you,” over and over again. Louis holds him as close as he can and makes sounds of affirmation.

            Harry finally leans back into Louis’s arm, “Thank you.”

            Louis kisses the crown of Harry’s head, “Not a problem, love. We have to talk about your anxiety, babe.”

            “It’s not that big of a deal.”

            “You and I both know that’s not true.”

            “I don’t like how the medicine makes me feel.”

            “I know, I know. We’ve worked on the self-care before. We have to make more room for it again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is welcome and appreciated!


	3. In daylights - in sunsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trimester two rolls around and Louis and Harry decide to tell their families.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long to post.

            Louis likes being busy. Well, actually that’s inaccurate. He loves nothing more than a lazy day, but he likes being busy over being anxious. Harry is usually in charge of the scheduling app, but it has fallen to the wayside with Harry’s anxiety. Most of the generic stuff is on there but they don’t always put little appointments or schedule time for each other. This app is mostly used for the kids’ stuff, so Louis calls Harry’s personal assistant, Louisa (the irony is not at all lost on Louis), to get his filming schedule and other commitments. He adds them to the app. He adds his own commitments to the app, too, which he has to call his own personal assistant for. He adds on all the weird things on the kids’ calendars that weren’t on there. He adds family dates and dates for him and Harry. It’s not as packed as he thought it would be. He calculates in sleep time and then he starts making a schedule for Harry’s, not so self, self-care.

            Finn and Louis will cover exercise, which Louis is not that thrilled about but Finn volunteered for his part in yoga time. Lola will handle the dance parties. Maisie will commandeer the reading. Lola and Finn will help with the cooking. Toby and Louis will do most of the cuddling, but they’ll probably all do that to be quite frank. Louis will handle worry-time by himself. He tries to create a schedule, but there isn’t always enough time for all of the activities. Louis always makes time for exercise and cuddling because those are the two that seem to work the most. Their schedule will be chockfull now, but Louis wants to make it look as seamless as possible. It’ll probably be a shit-show, but a well-intentioned shit-show.

            Harry figures it out day one of self-care. He’s suspicious when Louis rolls out of bed after him and pulls on workout clothes to jog alongside him on the treadmills. It only adds to his suspicion when Finn comes in to do yoga with him. Then, after the kids are at school, when Louis sits down with him and asks him about his worries, he knows.

            “You don’t have to do this,” Harry says.

            “It works and I’ll do whatever makes you feel better.”

            “I can do self-care on my own.”

            “But why would you do it on your own when we could help you. We love you. We want to take care of you, and it will be more fun this way.”

            Harry just shakes his head a little, pushing the hair off his forehead and smiling a little.

            “What’s your biggest worry?” Louis asks and his voice sounds a little too clinical.

            “I’m worried that we’ll lose one of the twins.”

            “90% of females carrying twins deliver two healthy babies.”

            “We’ve been the 10% before.”

            “So what makes you think we’ll be it again?”

            “I don’t know Louis. It’s just this sinking feeling in my chest whenever I think about wanting two babies and only getting one. I think about that tearing feeling in my gut and the pricks behind my eyes whenever I think about Noah, even now. Even though we’ve worked through it, I still feel immense sadness when I think about him. I can’t go through that again. I can’t hear a name that we chose for one of our children and feel crippled.”

            “I know it’s hard but we can’t think like that. We have four beautiful children and we will have two more soon. You can’t think like that; you cannot. I love you, but you just can’t,” Louis says as he picks up Harry’s hand and kisses it. He then leans forward to press a kiss to Harry’s mouth. That one kiss turns into more kisses until Harry pulls away.

            “I thought this was supposed to be self-care.”

            “I think being worshipped by your husband is probably pretty high up there,” Louis jokes.

            Harry’s smile quirks to the side and he laughs. Louis smiles back at him, pressing their foreheads together. Their eyes lock and Louis lunges forward to catch Harry’s lips again.

            “You can’t cut us out, yeah?”

            “I know,” Harry whispers.

            “We’ll make it through whatever,” Louis repeats like a mantra.

            “We’ll make it through whatever,” Harry promises.

            Most of Louis and Harry’s worry sessions turn into make-out sessions, which seems to work just as well so Louis isn’t going to change anything. He likes making out with his husband, sue him. The self-care actually seems to make all of them happier, which Louis is pretty chuffed about. Even if the wake up time still really does kill him a little on the inside, he’s supposed to be a rock star, albeit a retired one, after all.

            Louis goes to Michelle’s 16-week appointment alone; Harry has filming, but Gemma agrees to stay at the house even though she’s not exactly sure why. She sends Louis so many snaps of the kids; it’s absolutely ridiculous. Michelle is looking right preggers now; her belly sticks out and she smiles at him when she sees him come through the back door.

            “How’s life, love?” Louis asks as he kisses her on the cheek.

            “I am spectacular shockingly,” she laughs.

            “I’m glad,” Louis replies; he’s itching to rub her belly, but he knows he needs permission and he doesn’t necessarily want to ask for it.

            “They can hear you now,” she reminds, and he knows she knows he knows this, “Go on, then. Talk to them.”

            Louis kisses her cheek again and drops to his knees in front of her, “Hi loves, it’s dad here. I just wanted to say that I love you very much, we all love you very much, and we’re very excited to meet you but not too soon. Be nice to Michelle and each other.”

            She smiles at him and laughs, “You’re so cute.”

            “Shuddup.”

            The doctor promises that everything looks good. The babies are healthy as far as anyone can tell. Louis gets a print out of the ultrasound and a video sent to his phone of the 3D ultrasound. He sends it immediately to Harry with a thumbs up emoji, and Harry sends back the prayer hands emoji; Michelle shakes her head at them. Louis takes Michelle to a discreet restaurant for lunch and then he’s back on a plane to LA. Harry picks him up from the airport.

            “I’m ready,” Harry says once they’re settled in the car.

            “Ready for what, babe?” Louis asks, jetlag drawing out his Donny accent, his consonants losing most of their emphasis.

            “I think we should tell our family and the kids.”

            “You sure?”

            “They’d be hurt if we waited until the babies were born.”

            “Frankly love, I don’t care how they would feel. If it would make you feel better for us to wait, then we’ll bloody wait. They would understand. I know they would.”

            “That may be true, but I don’t want to be hiding things from my mum and sister and your family. I want to be able to share this.”

            “If it’s something that you want, love, I’m totally behind it.”

            “I want you to have someone to help you with me,” Harry whispers softly. While he’d been glancing at Louis ever few moments as he drove, his eyes are now glued to the road.

            “Babe,” Louis sighs, “You’re not a burden.”

            “You’ve started this who self-care thing and you’re the only one who knows why I need it. I know you want to talk to your mum and my mum and Lotts and Gems and the lads about this, but you can’t because I’ve put a gag order on the whole thing. I feel like maybe it’d be better if we told everyone.”

            “Don’t do it for my sake,” Louis snaps, almost a little too harshly. He doesn’t want to earn the blame for this. Doesn’t want this moment to be used against him in the future. It would unburden him to be able to talk to their family and friends, but he won’t dare let it jeopardize what they’ve built so far.

            “We wouldn’t,” Harry promises. His eyes still steadfast on the road, “We’d do it for us, and I definitely think we need to tell the kids.”

            “Yeah, okay,” Louis replies softly, feeling a little chagrined. He’d let himself react so emotionally, and he’d promised himself he’d be levelheaded in this process. Be the husband, the father, the support system that they needed.

            “Who do you want to tell first?” Louis asks softly, unsurely. He’d like to tell his mum; she would calm him down. She’d be someone he could rely on. He hadn’t known how desperately he needed to tell her until this very moment.

            “I think our mums. Your mum first and then mine.”

            “Why mine first?” Louis asks, elated but interested.

            “Because my mum will need someone to talk to about her concerns and your mum is the best for those since she was a midwife and all, and she’s had all those babies herself. Your mum has always been the voice of reason you know. Plus, I know it’s hard on you to keep it from her.”

            Louis smiles softly and can’t help himself as he leans over the arm of the seat to kiss Harry’s stubbly cheek. He mustn’t have filmed recently. Louis likes his man a little scruffy, likes the beard burn on his thighs. His mind trails to the idea of how he would get said beard burn. He’s a masochist and now he might’ve instigated a problem in his pants. He kisses Harry again.

            “Stop,” Harry demands on a flustered exhale.

            “Why?” Louis demands nipping at Harry’s earlobe and neck.

            "Cause I'm going to crash this damn car because of you and this pounding sunlight, and we have all these children we need to take care of. We can't die on them."

            "What a way to go though, right?"

            "You're fucking ridiculous, you know that right?"

            "Perhaps, love," Louis pulls back and flops into his seat. He presses his hand into his groin and leans back into his seat with his eyes closed. He can hear Harry's soft chuckle as he starts to dose.

            They get back to the house and the kids are goofing around. Finn looks up at them with concern, but Louis plasters a smile on his face and opens his arms to the kids. He kisses all of their heads, and then plods up the stairs to take a quick nap. Jet lag kills him, especially now because of how old he is.

            Harry wakes him up a few hours later, a tender kiss on his forehead. Louis feels a grin pull across his face. He sits up in the bed and Harry crawls in next to him. He presses his lips to the side of Harry's head. The light of the sunset is enough for him to see the small smile on Harry’s face.

            "We'll be okay, yeah?"

            "Oh H, I keep telling you this."

            "I know, I know."

            "I don't want to be so excited, but I am so excited."

            "So am I."

            "What will we do if it all comes crashing down around us?"

            "Build it back up."

            "Lets call your mum," Harry says as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He scrolls through his contacts and finds her number, pressing the call button.

            "Hullo?" She answers, "Harry, darling?"

            "Hi, Jay," Harry responds, "Lou is with me."

            "Hello, darlings," she says. Her happiness shines through the phone.

            "We have something to tell you," Louis says and he can hear her breath hitch. He must sound grim. He didn't mean to sound grim. It must be the gruffness of sleep still tainting his speech.

            "Okay," she responds hesitantly.

            "We're having another baby, two actually," Harry announces and his voice shakes.

            "Twins?" Jay asks.

            "Yeah," Louis replies.

            "Oh my," she responds softly and he doesn't think she means for them to hear that because she follows it up with, "I'm so excited for you. I know how much you've wanted more kids. So, so excited for you, loves."

            "We're also excited," Harry declares.

            "And nervous, of course," Louis responds and presses lips to Harry's temple.

            "It was a fluke," she replies, "It won't happen again."

            "We keep telling ourselves that."

            "I know. It'll never go away. It will never stop scaring you."

            "We'll be okay, right?" Harry pleads.

            "I have every bit of faith in the two of you. So much faith."

            "Thanks, mum," they respond in unison, and Louis can almost imagine her toothy grin. God, he misses her immensely sometimes.

            They call Anne next and she hides her fear better than Jay, her excitement is clear, but her voice sounds watery when they hang up and they glance wearily at each other. Louis hopes she'll call his mum to sojourn her fears about the babies.

            They call their siblings next and the screams of joy and glee wash over their mounting fears. It's elating to listen to their siblings' delight for them. Their families are amazing and Harry tells Louis he’s glad that they’ve called them. Then they need to call their second family: the boys. Over the years, they've both had their own groups of second families, tighter with those people than with the boys but it never lasts as long as their relationship with the boys. It's never as intense as their relationship with the other boys from One Direction.

            Niall screams joyfully and they can hear him running around his house shouting at everybody he can find. They hear Brigid’s muffled congratulations and cheers from the Horan children. It makes them both chuckle; Niall has always been one of their biggest champions.

            Liam clucks his tongue and Louis knows that he's feeling a little bit of the fear that Harry and Louis are. They know that he sympathizes with them. Sophia lost a son before they had their daughter. His and Zayn's surrogate lost a baby as well. It was tough on their relationship and Liam had just left their guest room and his pit of depression when they'd gone back to London. He and Zayn are better at this point, but he understands the strain on the relationship. He understands the gut-wrenching fear.

            Zayn is a combination of Niall and Liam's reactions. He’s at his parents' house and they can hear his squeals of glee. He mentions that their children might be the same age, confessing that he and Liam have decided to try again with a different surrogate, but he's also cautious. He wants this for them, but he too has experienced the heartache and nobody can wish that on a dear friend.

            Now, for the children, they have to tell their children. They've planned a wonderful family night with the kids favorite dinner and games, and then they sit the kids down on the couch and tell them before they can start the movie.

            "How do you feel about adding more kids to our family?" Harry asks, and everyone looks skeptical. They were expecting more glee, and they shoot each other glances. This is not the reception they were anticipating.

            "Michelle is pregnant with twins," Louis blurts out and Harry swats at his side. He can't help it; it's like ripping off a plaster.

            "Are you kidding?" Finn shouts; outrage clear in his voice. Finn jumps off the couch and storms up the stairs.

            Maisie starts crying and Lola looks around confused but follows Finn up the stairs. Toby starts to sympathy cry, and Louis and Harry don't know what to do with these reactions. Harry decides to address Finn and Lola because he could see Louis blowing up at them while Louis takes Maisie and Toby.

            Harry heads up the stairs and Louis can hear him trying to cajole Lola out of her room first, which probably isn't the best idea because she's more stubborn than Finn. Then he hears Harry move around but his voice is too quiet. Louis sits on the couch and drags Toby into his lap and kisses his forehead.

            "Why are you crying love?" He asks.

            "I don't know." Toby replies. "I still want to be the baby."

            "You'll still be my curly boy," Louis says.

            "I thought papa was your curly boy," Toby sniffles.

            "Papa's just curly," Louis responds.

            "Will you still love me?" Toby asks.

            "Of course, just as much as always. I have infinite room in my heart for my children. I love you more and more each day and it doesn't matter if there are more children in this house because I love all of you. You are all special to me."

            "Are you sure?"

            "So, so, so very sure, love. So sure."

            "Can I go play?"

            "Of course, love."

            Toby jumps off Louis's lap; his fears assuaged and he runs to the playroom. Louis turns his attention to his oldest daughter; her face is contemplative and confused. He can see the tears in her eyes. He drags her into his side and kisses her forehead lightly. And that’s when she starts sobbing; he doesn't know if she'll even be able to talk yet. He waits, rubbing her arm lightly and singing quietly under his breath. It takes her almost ten minutes to calm down enough to talk.

            "What if one of the babies dies?"

            "That's not going to happen."

            "But what if it does? It did last time, daddy. I'm so scared."

            "It'll be okay. We will deal with it as a family if it happens. It would be horrible if one of the babies died, but we will handle it as a family."

            "You won't get divorced again, will you? Please say no, dad."

            "No, we will not get divorced again. I will do everything in my power to not let that ever happen again," Louis hates making promises that he doesn't know that he can keep. He will try everything this time, but it still relies on Harry to be happy as well and Harry to not do anything crazy. He doesn't know why he continues to make these promises, but he wants desperately to be optimistic, desperately.

            He presses a kiss to her head again as her breathing evens out.

            "Will you go play with your brother while I go help papa with your brother and sister?"

            She laughs at that and nods as she grabs a tissue, blows her nose, and skips to the playroom. Harry’s biological children tend to have better temperaments than his own; he’s not at all surprised.

            When Louis walks up the stairs, he can see Harry sitting outside of Lola's room, talking through the door. It's probably killing Harry's back to be sitting like that but he knows he's more focused on trying to get Lola to listen to him.

            "It might be worth it to try Finn first," Louis comments.

            "Yeah, I tried. He wouldn't respond. We should have never let them have locks on their doors."

            "We wouldn't march in there without permission anyways unless we thought they were hurting themselves." Their rooms are supposed to be their havens and they'd promised themselves that they would give their kids breaks from the humdrum of their complicated lives. They would allow their children this modicum of privacy.

            Louis goes to Finn's door and knocks sharply, "Love, come on. Talk to us."

            "Fuck off," Finn yells back.

            "Seriously," Louis lips at Harry. Harry shakes his head. They’ll punish him later for those words, but Louis is not about to start a shouting match through the door about being grounded when he needs to speak to his son first.

            "Come on, Finnian, we need to talk about this. It's time to grow up and confront what you're angry about. Stop being a baby," Louis partially shouts through the door, knowing it will upset their son that he's called him a baby. And he's right; Finn comes slamming through the door.   Rage is plain on Finn’s face. His face is a shade of angry-upset crimson that Louis recognizes from the mirror whenever he’s mad. Finn screams. There are no words accompanying his scream. It's just a guttural scream. A guttural noise that let’s them know his displeasure; it's the same noise he used to make when he was a displeased toddler. Louis almost laughs, almost. He can hear Harry hold back a snort.

            "Finn, come on, tell us what's wrong?" Louis pushes.

            "Everything! Everything is wrong. Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you ask us if we wanted more siblings? Why didn't you talk to us?"

            "Because that's not really your decision, love," Harry says, crawling to his knees and then to his feet to back Louis up. Finn's scream has gotten Lola to peek her head around her bedroom door anyways.

            "Why not? It affects all of us. It's not just about the two of you. You guys are so selfish."

            "So selfish," Lola agrees, coming out of her room and crossing her arms.

            "I can't believe you would do this to us," Finn shouts.

            "What have we done?" Louis asks astonished. He's never reacted like this before. He's always been more than excited to have another sibling or siblings.

            "You are having twins. Twins are what broke up our family last time. Having a baby broke our family apart. Those were the worst years of my life, and now you're doing it again! Are we not good enough?" yells Finn, and now, tears are starting to come down his cheeks. The words knock them both back, and Lola rushes past to stand by her brother. They're a united front, and Louis is glad that all four of them haven't decided to join forces. Harry looks like Finn has just said that he hates them and will never be able to forgive them.

            Louis reaches out for Finn when he starts to sob, but Finn shakes his head backing away from him into his room. Lola follows him, and the noise dims as Finn slams the door shut.

            Harry looks at him shocked. His face marred with pain. Louis reaches out for Harry, but Harry shakes his head and goes down the stairs to find the other two. Louis slumps against the wall and then slides down it to sit across from Finn's room. He can hear Finn and Lola talking minutes later but not exactly what they're saying. He wants to storm into the room, but he won't, he can't do it. He puts his head against his knees and starts to cry.

            Maisie and Toby walk past him later, on their way to bed. Harry walks past him too. He doesn't know how long he sits there; he dazes out for a while. His heart breaks into pieces as he thinks about his son's words. He caused the worst years of his son’s life.

            He wonders if they all feel that way. He wonders if they blame both of them or just him. He feels an epic amount of guilt flood his system. It makes him sick. Harry seems a little bit angry with him and he thinks he deserves all of it. At least Harry doesn't confirm his distaste when he walks past him a few times. Finn and Lola had stopped talking a while ago. Only a little bit after Maisie and Toby had gone to bed, but Louis keeps sitting outside of Finn's door. He wonders if they've actually made a mistake.

            He's feeling very isolated when Harry comes out and stands in front of him. He reaches a hand out to pull Louis up. Louis shakes his head and Harry drops down next to him on the floor.

            "You know this isn't great for my back," Harry whispers.

            "It's okay, love. Go to bed."

            "It's hard to fall asleep when I know you're out here being angsty by yourself. It was my decision too."

            "What was?"

            "All of it, we made these decisions together or apart at the same time; it was both of our faults. I love you, and we stick together because we need to have a united front. So if you're going to sit out here and wait for our bratty children then so will I."

            "Are they really so bratty?" Louis asks.

            "Yes, definitely bratty."

            "Don't they have a right to be?"

            "Maybe, but they're also acting entitled. Let's go to bed. They won't leave the house without permission. Plus, the security alarm will go off if they do."

            "I love your brain sometimes more than your cock. It's the greatest of your muscles."

            "I have no idea how to respond to that. And my cock is not a muscle."

            "See that brain of yours, working over time."

            "Please stop," Harry breathes against his neck. Placing a gentle kiss against his neck, "Bedtime."

            "Okay, okay. Let's go to bed."

            They crawl into bed, and Louis wraps his arms around Harry's waist, burying his face into the space between Harry's shoulder blades. Louis can feel the strong muscles under his cheek, and Harry radiates so much warmth they barely need a blanket at all. Even though his arms will probably fall asleep, he loves this. He loves that even after all these years they still cuddle every night possible. He presses a bunch of kisses along Harry’s spine, and Harry titters softly, "Sleep, Louis."

            "Yes, sir."

            He doesn't sleep that well. He keeps waking up, hoping that Lola or Finn has come to see them, but neither do the whole night. They're both awake before Harry or Louis has the chance to get them up the next day.

            Neither one of them interacts with Louis or Harry all day. Finn makes them all of their meals. Maisie talks to them, but when asked to share the information with her parents, she mumbles something along the lines of "Snitches get stitches," which would make Louis laugh any other day but not today. Louis would love to go off on them, but Harry keeps pulling him away, telling him to give them a break, so he tries. He wants to defend them and their decision. He wants to tell the kids how it’s going to be different this time. He wants to make promises. He more desperately wants to hear Harry make those same promises.

            On Sunday, Lola and Finn are playing the same game. Finn makes him and Lola breakfast, and then they go outside to play. Louis would usually go out and play with them, but, instead, he sits in the kitchen and fumes. Finn sprints into the kitchen; his face painted with terror.

            “Papa, dad,” he shouts.

            “What’s wrong?” Louis says. He might’ve been petty and not spoken back since Finn hasn’t spoken to them for a day and a half, but the look of complete fear on his son’s face makes him jump out of his seat.

            “It’s Lola. She fell and she’s crying and she can’t get up.”

            “Fuck,” Louis mumbles under his breath and then screams, “Harry.”

            He sprints outside and Maisie is sitting next to Lola and holding her hand. Maisie is telling Lola not to move as Lola bawls loudly. Louis drops to his knees, right next to them. The sun is reflecting off her golden hair.

            “What happened?” Louis asks.

            “She fell. We heard a popping noise. She tried to stand up and she couldn’t,” Maisie reports.

            “Relax and stay still, Lola,” Louis says and he looks at her leg. He pushes her fringe off her forehead and kisses her gently.

            “It hurts, daddy,” she cries.

            “I know, love,” he squeezes her hand.

            Harry comes out then, out of breath, and a look of growing terror on his face. They examine her gently, and they decide they can transport her to the hospital over calling an ambulance. Louis carries her to the car; they buckle her in and Maisie holds her hand the whole time.

            When they get to the emergency room, they wait a while. Harry gently holds Lola in his arms. Her cheeks are tear stained and she’s trying desperately not to move. They’re all trying to distract her with stories and games, but they’re all so uncomfortable that it’s not helping much.

            Finally, her name is called and they all go back with her. Harry takes her to get an X-ray, and Louis takes the other kids back into the waiting room. Toby crawls into his lap and falls asleep while Maisie and Finn lean against him.

            “I hate hospitals,” Maisie whimpers.

            “I know, love,” Louis says and he felt the same immediate distaste and resentment when he walked in. He’s so thankful that they helped her, but he’d hated that they’d even had to be there, just like he doesn’t like to have to sit in the waiting room now.

            “I’m sorry, dad,” Finn whispers.

            “It’s okay.”

            “I’m just really scared that you’ll leave again.”

            “I won’t, not ever again, okay? I’ve told you that.” Louis knows he sounds frustrated but he just wishes people would believe him when he says those things.

            “Okay, I believe you. I’m really sorry.”

            “I know, love.”

            Harry comes to get them later and takes them back to Lola’s room. Her leg is broken and now she’s just waiting for it to get set and casted. They all sit with her while she waits and watch the television with her. Harry and the kids leave to get a snack while Louis sits with Lola when they set her leg and cast it. She screeches when they set it and then cries as they cast it. Lola gets a cyan cast and has the doctor be the first person to sign it. The sun is just setting as they leave the hospital.

            When they get home, it’s dinnertime and they order a pizza. The kids eat, and they’re all so exhausted that they head straight up to bed. Finn apologizes sheepishly to them again before going to bed. Harry and Louis help Lola get into bed and they give her some of the medicine the hospital sent her home with. They check in with the other kids, but it’s easy to convince them to turn off their lights and close their eyes.

            Harry and Louis fall into their bed exhausted. Louis tries to take off his clothes while still laying down; Harry laughs at his antics. Just as they’re lazily kissing goodnight, Harry’s phone tries to dance off his side table with it’s vibrating. Harry catches it and answers. His face drops, and Louis’s heart sinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.


	4. In midnights - in cups of coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis, Harry, and the kids (minus Finn) have to go back to London.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry folks! Hopefully, the last chapter will be up quicker this time!

            “Yeah," Harry responds to a question that Louis hysterically wants to hear.

The voice on the other end is deep Louis can tell, so it's not Shelly, which could be a good or a bad thing; he's not sure. He doesn't want it to be Frank desperately. His veins thrum with the hope that it's Harry's agent or publicist.

            "Frank, is everything okay?" Harry asks softly, worriedly, and Louis's heart drops to the pit of his stomach. He reaches out for the hand at Harry's side and takes it. Harry looks down at him and the look in his eyes is pure terror. Harry makes some listening noises as Frank talks. He drops on to the bed after a minute, letting go of Louis's hand. Louis scoots closer to Harry and presses a soft kiss to his neck because he knows Harry likes to be kissed there. Neck kisses drive Louis nuts as a comforting technique, too much vulnerability and all, but Harry adores them and has never understood Louis's aversion to them outside of sex. At one point, Harry reaches back so that he's touching Louis, and Louis likes that he can at least help anchor Harry.

            "What did the doctors say?" Harry asks, and Louis grips Harry's waist hard. If it weren’t for his short nails from chewing, he'd probably leave crescent-moon divots in Harry's side.

            "We'll come as soon as we can," Harry responds and Louis wraps his arms around Harry's waist. This isn't good. He remembers a similar conversation from many years ago. They had thought it would be okay; it wasn't. This is exactly what they'd been dreading. How could the world do this to them again?

            "Thank you, Frank, for letting us know," Harry says and he sounds perfunctory but Louis knows better; it's the voice Harry uses when he doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want to scare Frank, but he's scaring Louis because that is the voice Harry uses when he shuts off the world but hopefully not Louis this time.

            The second he hears Harry click the phone off words come tumbling out of his mouth, "What happened? Please tell me we haven't lost one of the twins."

            "We haven't lost one of the twins," Harry repeats.

            "What's wrong?"

            "Frank says that Shelly was feeling lightheaded and off the last few days. She wanted to be cautious, so they went to the doctor. The babies and she are all right, for now, but she has significantly high blood pressure; they’re worried about eclampsia. They're obviously worried the babies could go into distress, especially with her past with twins. They admitted her for monitoring and bed rest. He says that the doctors are working on getting it under control, but that he wanted us to know as soon as possible. He knows how we feel about all of this. Louis, what are we going to do?"

            "We’re going to believe this is going to work out. We're going to love each other and our family and Shell because, no matter what, this is going to be different than last time. This is going to be okay."

            "Promise."

            "Forever and always."

            "Always."

            "Did you just Harry Potter me? At a time like this, did you really just Harry Potter me?"

            "Possibly."

            "You are the worst."

            "Burr."

            "Now, Hamilton," Louis sighs.

            "You know it's one of my coping mechanisms."

            "How come I got the seriousness bout of it and you get to have the silly bit."

            "Not sure, not how this usually works out for us is it?"

            "It is going to work out though, H. There may be some heartbreak, but I know in the end this is all going to work out. You do too, right?”

            "I do. I believe in us and Shelly."

            "So are we all going to fly out or is just one of us going to go?"

            "I'd like us all to go. Holiday break is coming up anyways. Finn has finals, but the other kids don't. Maybe, Niall will take Finn for a while and he can fly over when he's done."

            "He won't like that."

            "No, he definitely won't like it, but it would probably be better for his studying, nonetheless."

            "Very true, love."

            Louis leans his forehead against Harry's chest and Harry wraps his arms tightly about him. Louis breathes in his husband's familiar scent. He wants nothing more than this to be the last scent he ever smells. Harry to be the last thing he ever sees. The rightness that comes with Harry’s presence to be the last emotion he ever feels because Harry’s presence is the epitome of what makes Louis happy, being surrounded by somebody that he loves. He hates how this situation taints his love for this feeling. He hates the way that his chest is aching right now with anxiety. He's anxious about the twins but he's also anxious about Harry and the kids and their families and his relationship with Harry and a whole host of other things. The dichotomy of loving this feeling and hating this situation rages a war inside of him.

            The thought of this newly knitted scar tearing open and bleeding forth his life's blood is overwhelming. Yet scars are tough, right? Scars are meant to protect and keep the wound from reopening. He's imagining it as grizzled, calloused scar after years of use, but it's probably more like a delicate scar that always feels like it's stretching too thinly across the area it’s protecting. He's going to imagine and pretend that it is the grizzled scar, like Niall’s old knee scar, and not allow his mind to drift to what it might mean if it’s the tender scar.

            They call their mums and let them know what is happening. There's words of condolences and then words of hope, everything they were expecting. They call Niall next because it’s necessary. Niall happily agrees to have Finn over and promises them that everything will be okay, Niall and his promises, Niall and his hope. Louis listens and breathes and just keeps reminding himself to keep breathing and living and accepting and fighting for his family.

            They decide that they have to tell Finn. They try to think of a way not to; after all, they don't want him to worry during his finals. However, they know Finn will worry either way, so after his brother and sisters are in bed, they tell him.

            Harry makes hot cocoa, which immediately alarms their highly observant teen.

            "What's up?" Finn asks as he tucks his legs up under him; something he only does when he is nervous.

            "We need to tell you something because it's going to affect you. We don't want you to worry, though," Harry says hesitantly. 

            "And, yet, you're already worrying me," Finn replies wryly and defensively.

            "Finnian," Louis says warningly. They both know that he's being defensive because he's scared, but Louis also knows that it'll only add to his husband's anxiety.

            "Sorry," Finn mumbles petulantly.

            "We have to go to London," Harry releases, "As soon as possible. Niall has said that you can stay with him to finish your finals, but we're going to take the rest of the kids to London."

            "What? Why? Are we moving back there? Did you push him away again?" Finn nearly shouts and looks accusingly at Louis, "Are you moving back there?"

            "No, we're not, no, I did not, and don’t do that to your dad. Stop accusing him; he’s proven time and again that he’s here to stay," Harry reprimands and Louis shoots him a grateful glance, "Shelly has had some complications with her pregnancy, and we want to be near her."

            Finn looks at them, like he's trying to process the information, and they're both watching him with hesitancy. Louis is not even sure if Finn is breathing because he's so tense. He takes one deep breath and bursts into unmitigated tears. His sobs are harsh and gut-wrenching. Harry reaches out for him, and Finn shoves him off, shouting, "I told you. I fucking told you, but no one ever consults the teenager. No one cares about my feelings, about how this affects my life. Holy fuck, I kind of hate you guys right now."

            Louis doesn't know what to do; he doesn't know how to respond. It's an emotional knockout punch and he's struggling for his breath and something to say in response. Finn looks at them with tears still streaming down his face. Finn shakes his head with a cynical smile and runs up the stairs.

            "We're going to have to reprimand him for that," Harry says. His voice is a thin crack in the silence. Louis nods, still struggling for words. Finn's words had been spoken with such venom that Louis believes that right now their son feels that way and he's not sure how to process that. He wants to scream at Finn. He wants to grapple with him. He wants to hold him. He wants to cry. And worst of all he knows it's because Finn's at least partially right. They didn't really think about the kids' feelings when they went into this. They were selfish in such a good way but still bloody selfish. He wants to apologize to his son, and he wants to lash out at him; he’s not exactly sure which feeling is stronger.

            Harry plops down next to him and digs his chin into the groove of Louis’s collarbone. He comments, “I’ve never wanted to quarrel with him more in his entire life.”

            Louis splutters and then whispers, “He’s right, you know?” His ire and misery clench his windpipe, making it physically uncomfortable to speak.

            “We care about him, Lou, that’s fucking bullshit.”

            “Yeah, yeah, H, of course, that was just cross teen talk but he’s right that we didn’t really care about his opinion.”

            “He doesn’t get a say in our relationship,” Harry huffs, running an exasperated hand through his hair.

            “”But, like, it’s his family too.”

            “Stop agreeing with the sulky teenager over your husband,” Harry huffs, but then he kisses Louis’s neck to show that he’s not really upset with him. Louis twitches.

            “Oh no, I’m fucking ready to wring his bloody neck, love; I’m just saying he has a point,” Louis laughs sardonically and pushes at his eyes, which are bizarrely about to leak tears.

            “Should we go up and talk to him?” Harry asks; his chin digging further into Louis’s clavicle until it’s almost painful.

            “Nah, that’s what he wants, and I am not letting him win tonight. Fuck him.”

            Harry snorts and agrees, “Fuck him.”  

            Eventually, they get up and go to their bedroom. They both strip off the sweatpants and t-shirts they were wearing and crawl under their covers. Harry moves closer to Louis and rests his head on Louis’s chest. Louis tangles their legs together and Harry chuckles. They just lay there, usually Louis’s the first one to drift off. Harry’s anxiety has always made it a little bit harder for him to fall asleep; Louis’s always just proud of himself when he can get Harry to come lay down with him. Tonight though, he’s not sure if either one of them will be able to sleep. They give it a good ten minutes before Harry starts drawing designs on Louis’s belly. Louis’s pretty sure Harry keeps his nails just long enough to tease him.

            “We’re not going to sleep anyways,” Harry whispers as he throws his leg over Louis’s hip.

            “H,” Louis breathes out and Harry smirks at him as he ducks his head to kiss down Louis’s neck.

            “I love that you can draw out one letter for so long,” Harry teases as he presses their bodies together and shifts his hips.

            “Fuck,” Louis moans.

            “Love that too,” Harry torments. He tweaks Louis’s nipples as he trails kisses down Louis’s body, pushing away the blankets. He drags down Louis’s boxers and continues kissing around where Louis really wants his mouth. Harry lifts Louis’s leg and kisses the inside of his knee, one of Louis’s erogenous zones.

            “Want me to suck you off or fuck you?” Harry asks. Louis wants to be able to say both, but he knows that he hasn’t come twice that quickly in a while.

            “Fuck me,” Louis moans, and Harry roughly kisses him as his hand fishes in the side table for the lube. Harry’s fingers aren’t gentle as he presses quickly into Louis. Louis loves it when Harry gets a little chaotic, a little belligerent. Harry is generally so reverent of Louis; it sometimes drives Louis absolutely nuts. This chaos fuels every part of Louis. It’s not all pleasure right now, there’s pain mixed in, and Louis knows he’ll feel this tomorrow, but he doesn’t care. He pushes back onto Harry’s fingers and reaches for Harry’s neck. Harry chuckles and leans forward and they bump noses as they kiss. This pain and pleasure combination is making Louis ridiculously needy. Harry’s resolve from today, when he was so stoic, is dissolving with such intensity and Louis likes this release rather than Harry shutting down.

            “Stop teasing,” Louis huffs, when Harry keeps pulling his fingers away to rub his cock against Louis but then shifting back to just finger-fucking him.

            “You love it,” Harry hums against Louis’s ear and then Harry nips at it. Louis grabs Harry’s hips, pressing his fingers roughly into the skin there.

            “Stop being a fucking tease,” Louis orders and Harry throws his head back and laughs.

            “Such a fucking power bottom, can you ever just bottom?” Louis almost laughs at that because when he first got back he was nothing if not an obedient, timid bottom. He almost wants to ask if Harry is drunk or losing his mind.

            “I swear to god, fuck me already, please,” Louis hisses when Harry pulls away again, but then he’s thrusting into Louis. Louis lets out a pained exhalation; he was expecting more teasing.

            “Babe?” Harry murmurs and all of the aggression and banter is out of his voice. He’s flush with arousal, but the concern is all over his face.  He caresses Louis’s cheek and presses his lips to Louis’s forehead and tries not to move.

            “Fuck, H. I’m not twenty-something anymore.”

            “I know, you’re old, you’re in your forties now.”

            “Now is not the time to mock me.”

            “Now is the perfect time for banter,” Harry smirks, the old inside joke making Louis warm, but Harry’s face grows soft, “But you’re okay, yeah?”

            “I’m good now,” Louis responds, pressing his lips to Harry’s arm that is bracketing his face, “You can move now.”

            “You sure?” Harry asks; the usual reverent Harry has returned and Louis is a little sad to see chaotic Harry go, but his bum will probably appreciate the departure when they’re on the ten and a half hours flight tomorrow with three kids. What the hell was he thinking encouraging frenzied Harry? He’s going to hate himself tomorrow.

            “We’ve been doing this for over twenty years. I’m pretty sure I know when I’m good.”

            “Coming from the guy who couldn’t walk for two days straight after our two year anniversary,” Harry retorts, but he slowly starts moving his hips.

            “I was young,” Louis mutters as he runs his hands up and down Harry’s back as he languidly moves his hips.

            “Scrappy and hungry.”

            “I swear to god, I will murder you.”

            “Nah,” Harry laughs, “You’re too much of a sex pot for that.”

            “I’m the sex pot?” Louis huffs as Harry starts thrusting with intention.

            “Mhmm,” Harry hums, he draws his hips back and thrusts roughly into Louis. Harry knows what he’s doing and he starts hitting Louis’s prostate with precision. Louis arches his back and moves his hips to meet Harry’s. Harry reaches his hand between their bodies and only needs to give Louis a few tugs before he’s coming, his come sticky on his belly. Harry fucks him through the after shocks and Louis keens with the pleasure and pain. Louis can’t stand more thrusting, so he tweaks Harry’s nipples and he comes instantaneously.

            “Rude,” Harry nips at Louis’s ear as Louis just smirks before Harry leans down and licks up the come on Louis’s belly while he pushes two fingers into Louis’s sensitive ass that’s filled Harry’s own come. He pushes the two fingers into Louis’s mouth and Louis sucks on them. He’s starting to feel drowsy until Harry licks into his hole.

            “H,” Louis groans. He’s grappling with whether or not he wants to pull Harry closer or push him far, far away.

            “I taste so good,” Harry moans and Louis kicks him in the shoulder.

            “That’s me,” Louis grouses, “That’s me you’re tasting.”

            Harry snorts and Louis feels his spent dick try to stir. He knows he won’t be able to get it fully up again, but, man, if he could he would fuck Harry’s throat. His dick tries again and it’s pure fucking torture growing older.

            Harry crawls up next to him again and Harry kisses Louis sloppily just so he can push come into Louis’s mouth. Louis sucks it off Harry’s tongue and he can feel Harry’s silent laughter. Harry turns onto his side and Louis presses along his back; Louis’s dick still wanting to make a comeback and Harry’s is half hard between his own legs. Harry reaches back and smacks Louis’s ass cheek when Louis starts rutting against his ass with no intention but to tease Harry’s cock. Louis involuntarily lets out a squeak.

            “This plane ride tomorrow is going to be hilarious,” Harry chuckles.

            “Sadist,” Louis mumbles as he starts to drift off, thinking that at least Harry’s plan to get them to fall asleep has worked.

            Getting ready the next morning is hell. Louis hates packing and he has enough stuff at the London house to survive. In all actuality, he’ll probably go to the store and buy anything that he needs. It’s the kids’ stuff they need to worry about. The kids need a whole host of stuff so that they won’t explode, at least Louis equates the epic amount of whining and tantrums they’ll do without their stuff to an explosion.

            As they’re throwing things into bags, Finn comes into their room. It feels like the room freezes, and he and Harry are just waiting for Finn to speak first.

            “I’m not sorry about what I said yesterday,” Finn declares and Harry moves to talk but Finn jumps into his next declaration, “But I am sorry about how I said it.”

            “Finn,” Louis begins, “We know why you’re upset, but we promise nothing is going to change this time. We’re not going to do what we did last time, I promise. We are going to give you a consequence for the way you spoke to us last night. We’re going to tell Uncle Niall that your fiends cannot visit you and you cannot go out with them while you’re staying there.”

            “Seriously? You’re not going to let me see them until after we come back from London?”

            “Seriously,” Harry says, and Finn huffs and storms out of the room.

            Louis drives Finn to school and Finn is silent the whole ride. Louis wants to say something to him, but he knows that sometimes he has to just let it be. He doesn’t want to make the situation worse, and he also isn’t sure whose side he’s on. He understands Finn’s point of view and Harry’s; he’s just going to try to not make it worse.

            When they arrive at his school, Louis says, “Bye, Finn. We love you.”

            Finn looks at him calculatingly and sighs begrudgingly, “I love you guys too.”

            “Good lad,” Louis smiles and Finn huffs with a rueful smile and a wave.

            The plane ride is torturous. Louis’s ass aches, but that’s not really the problem; in fact, Louis kind of likes it. It’s the kids that make the plane ride tortuous. Toby hates how long he has to sit still on plane rides. Lola is upset about missing her class’s holiday party and is whining every chance she gets. Maisie is even pouting because she misses her brother and planes make her anxious. Harry’s worried and is isolating himself with his headphones and a book. Louis thinks it would be more enjoyable to pull every single hair out of his head one strand at a time. Lola keeps poking Louis because the partition between their seats is down, and he finally sends her a withering look that makes her pull her hand away but not before sticking her tongue out at him. Maisie keeps trying to crawl into his seat with him even though she’s a little too big for it to last very long. She usually sits with Finn, and he can tell she’s panicking without him. He almost switches her for Lola or Toby, but he doesn’t want to torture the poor businessman who is sitting next to her. He kisses her forehead, gives her the jumper he’s wearing, and sends her back to her seat while he pulls a jacket out of his luggage.

            He falls asleep and only wakes again when Lola smacks him because they’re landing. They get an escort through the back of the airport and a car picks them up. Louis is excited to see their old house; they’ve let Dori and Ernie live there while they go to uni, but they’ve gone back to Donny for the winter hols. The nostalgia of keeping this house around is not lost on Louis.

            The house kind of smells like stale pizza when they get there and Harry lets out one of his big guffawing laughs, which starts everyone else, who is awake at least, giggling.   

            “I want pizza,” Toby mumbles from the crook of Louis’s neck. That makes them all laugh harder and Toby looks up confused. Louis promises him pizza for lunch and his eyes close, mollified by the promise.  Harry and Louis fish granola bars from Maisie’s bag to feed the three kids before sending them to get some shuteye. Harry plops onto his back in their room, and Louis grabs one of his hands and kisses it; Harry’s eyes are closed but a gentle smile appears on his face. Louis texts Finn even though it might be a little late in LA and gets back an appreciative text. Louis grabs a pair of flannels and a long-sleeve shirt because he runs so cold before he takes a shower because he won’t be able to sleep, otherwise. Harry is still lying in his clothes from the plane, and Louis can tell he’s about to fall asleep.

            “H, take your clothes off or you’re never going to sleep.”

            “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

            “I still smell like airplane,” Louis guffaws. Harry snickers and half-heartedly attempts to pull his outfit off. Louis guffaws again, “You’re hopeless.”

            “Am not,” Harry huffs as his eyes droop.

            “Your dick is going to suffocate.”

            “These are not even the tightest pants I’ve ever fallen asleep in.”

            “I know,” Louis mumbles as he unbuttons and unzips Harry’s pants, kisses Harry’s stomach, and shimmies them down his legs. Harry’s not wearing any pants so Louis throws him a lightweight pair of joggers.

            “You’re not going to help me put them on?” Harry calls as Louis goes to the bathroom.

            “For fuck’s sake, Harry,” he curses but helps him anyways because husbands.

            “Shirt now,” Harry murmurs.

            “Oy, lazy fucker,” Louis teases as he struggles with Harry’s top and tweaks Harry’s third and fourth “nipples” when he’s finally gotten the shirt over Harry’s head.

            “Excuse you,” Harry mumbles as his eyes start to close again.

            Louis takes a shower and laughs when he sees that his siblings have used all of Harry’s fancy-ass, expensive shampoo and conditioner. He uses the shit brand they’ve replaced it with and can smell the chemicals. He feels so much better when he steps out of the shower, he towels off, and he brushes his teeth before heading back into the bedroom to get a few hours of sleep. He knows they should wake up at least around noon to stave off horrible jetlag. He climbs into bed and flops so his back is pressed against Harry’s. Immediately, Harry is flopping over and snaking his arms around Louis and murmurs, “You okay?”

            “You smell like airplane,” Louis deflects.

            “You didn’t answer my question.”

            “I know.”

            Harry kisses Louis’s ear, which makes Louis twitch, and Harry squeezes his arms tightly around Louis and whispers, “I love you.”

            “Love you too,” Louis responds after a few moments.

            “I love you so much Louis,” Harry reiterates and Louis smiles.

            “Love you too,” Louis repeats, quicker this time, and then softly adds, “Thanks, H.”

            “Anytime.” Louis picks Harry’s hand off of his chest and kisses it.

            They fall asleep like that, but when Louis wakes up he’s wrapped around Harry’s back because old habits die hard. He kisses Harry’s shoulder blade before getting up. It’s still mid-morning, so Louis goes downstairs to see what his siblings have left in the pantry. There’s not much; thank god for Tesco delivery. Louis gets out his phone and orders whatever Harry ordered the last time they were first in London.

            Maisie comes down first; she has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her curls are mused adorably. She comes up to him and nudges herself under his arm, he squeezes her close, and kisses the top of her head.

            “Want some tea, love?”

            “Yeah,” she replies as she tries to climb onto the bar stool without undoing her burrito. Louis has pity on her and helps her up onto the stool, “I forgot how cold London is.”

            “It’s not that much colder than LA,” Louis laughs and Maisie snorts in derision.

            They start talking about Christmas and what presents they want to get everyone. Harry is the next person to come down; he kisses both of them on the cheek before heading to the gym. Maisie wakes up Lola and Toby, and they play a few games before they all crash on the couch to watch TV. Louis unpacks the groceries when they arrive, but they order takeaway anyways for dinner while Harry is visiting Michelle. Harry comes back quiet and withdrawn but not super upset. Lola climbs into Harry’s lap and forces him to play a stupid game she just created, and Louis loves his ridiculous daughter. After dinner, Louis kisses them all before he goes to visit Michelle too.

            Seeing Michelle connected to all the machines catches Louis’s heart in his throat, but she smiles at him softly. She’s eating pomegranate seeds and drinking a noxiously pink tea while Frank sits in a chair by her bedside eating McDonald’s; Louis is half expecting him to start lecturing him about being good to Michelle. He sits next to her bed in the other chair.

            “Hi love,” Louis greets softly.

            “Hi,” she smiles, “It’s good to see you.”

            “You too. How are you feeling?”

            “Better, I’m trying to eat anything to lower my bloody blood pressure, so they will let me leave,” she responds, lifting up the food on her tray.

            “You’re wonderful,” he replies, and she makes a face and laughs, “Shel, I mean it.”

            “Thanks, darling,” she responds.

            “How are the kids?” He asks.

            “They’re good but mad that I won’t be able to make cookies with them.”

            “I’ll make cookies with them; our kids would love that too.”

            “We both know that’s probably not the best idea,” Michelle laughs.

            “Okay, so I’ll have Harry do the baking and I’ll help with the decorating only.”

            “Thank god,” Frank mumbles, “Speaking of kids, though, I better go.” Frank kisses Michelle good-bye and leaves the room as he bundles up for the brisk London winter.

            “I’ll come get the kids tomorrow afternoon,” Louis decides.

            “Just text Frank. I’m hoping they’re going to let me go home tomorrow morning. This place stresses me out more than anywhere else.”

            “Thank you.”

            “What?”

            “Just thank you. I know you didn’t want to do this and we pressured you into it and now your health is at risk and just thank you.”

            “You and your husband need to stop acting like I’m not a grown arse woman who can make her own decisions. I decided to do this, and I love you two. I want you all to be happy, and I’m clearly a glutton for punishment. That isn’t your fault.”

            “But thank you, still.”

            “Harry was amazing when he came. I thought Frank was going to try to fight him, but he was so sweet and caring.”

            “The usual H.”

            “Yeah, I missed him.”

            Louis snorts and they talk more about their kids and the weird toy trends. It’s sweet and Louis feels better because it doesn’t have the same energy that was prominent the last time that this happened. Her eyes start to droop so he kisses her cheek good-bye and leaves feeling much better.

            Harry is the only one downstairs when he gets home, and he immediately hands Louis a cup of tea with a smile. Louis kisses him, and he can see the effort Harry is putting into this. They stay up until midnight talking. This time is so much better, no matter the outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know what you think.


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after the birth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!

 

                  “I can’t do it anymore,” Louis mumbles.

                  “Get up,” Harry demands.

                  “I’m sorry, H, but I just can’t do it.”

                  “Louis.”

                  “I thought I could but I can’t.”

                  “I know but here we are. Get up before I get water to pour on you.”

                  “I’m too old for this,” Louis whines as he rolls onto his stomach.               

                  “They’re both up; Louis get up,” Harry demands again.

                  “Fuck, all right,” Louis sighs, he scurries up behind Harry, and he squeezes Harry’s waist. Harry smacks his hands away laughing. The girls are in the nursery that was set up in the small room off their bedroom; they will eventually get bigger rooms near their siblings, but, for now, they wake up too frequently at three months old. Louis can’t wait for the fucking day that this goes back to their office. He scoops Ellie out of her crib and immediately knows she needs a change. Harry holds Nora and goes to get two bottles from the kitchen. They have two comfortable rocking chairs set up, and it’s tight with two sets of nearly everything but it’s also cozy. Louis rocks Ellie who is still discontented with her situation as they wait for Harry to come back. Ellie looks just like Lola did when she was a baby and Louis is a little scared to have another Lola running around.

                  Harry comes back with Nora and two bottles. He hands Louis one and kisses Ellie on the top of her head. Louis starts feeding Ellie while Harry changes Nora. Eventually, they’re both rocking and feeding one of their daughters. Harry starts singing softly, “I want to write you a song.”

                  Louis responds, “One that's beautiful as you are sweet.” They sing the whole song together and then another few songs: another One Direction song, one of Louis’s, and one of Harry’s.

                  “If we didn’t sing so much, I think we would get way more sleep,” Harry muses.

                  “Does not compute,” Louis yawns.

                  “Is this so much harder than before?”

                  “No, I think we just forgot.”

                  “But they are wonderful.”

                  “Yeah, they are.”

                  “Let’s go back to bed,” Harry declares, kissing Nora on the head. Louis kisses Ellie on the forehead and caresses her little cheek. Harry hands Nora to Louis because he’s still sitting and reaches for Ellie. Louis kisses Nora and gets up while Harry kisses Ellie and gently settles her into her crib. Louis does the same with Nora.

                  As Louis walks out of the girls’ makeshift room, Harry wraps his arms around Louis and nuzzles into Louis’s neck. Louis twitches and mutters under his breath. Harry laughs and makes Louis twitch more. Harry kisses Louis’s clavicle, and Louis reaches back to pinch Harry’s hip. Louis had forgotten how tiring and wonderful these moments were. He turns around in the circle of Harry’s arms and kisses him. Harry smiles against his lips. They stand there for far too long with their lips against each other and arms wrapped around each other.

                  “We should go back to sleep,” Harry whispers.

                  “Yeah,” Louis agrees.

                  “I can’t wait until we have enough energy to fuck again,” Harry whispers.

                  “They’re only waking up once a night. Hopefully, we can sleep through the night and then like a week later have a quick fuck and then sleep forever.”

                  Harry laughs softly and pushes Louis towards the bed. They crawl into the bed and Louis feels his eyelids already starting to get heavy. They kiss softly again and then fall asleep tangled together. Louis hears Ellie start to whine early and he burrows under Harry’s arm. Harry snuffles but doesn’t wake up. Lola bursts into the room and Maisie follows her.

                  “Can we get them up?” Lola asks.               

Louis groans loudly, “Dolores, what have we told you about barging into our room?”

“That I need to knock. So can we get them up?”

“Both of you out, knock, and wait,” Harry grumbles; his voice is rough and low.

“Papa,” Lola whines.

“Out,” Harry orders.

“Look at you being a not so morning person,” Louis chuckles.

“I want to be able to sleep naked sometime and them barging in is not helping.”

“Love, I thought you gave that up a long time ago.”

Harry harrumphs as there is a loud, emphatic knock on their door. They wait a while and listen to Lola throw a mini tantrum outside before she knocks even harder. They can hear Maisie laughing softly.

“Come in,” Louis calls as Harry buries his face into Louis’s neck.

“Gross,” Lola complains, "Can we get them up now?"

"Yes, but Maisie is in charge and you need to listen to her," Louis says.

Lola harrumphs, which sounds nearly exactly like the one Harry just made, and Louis continues, "You need to be gentle and follow all of the rules. Maisie, you need to make sure you tell Lola if she's not doing what she should be doing."

"I know, dad," Maisie responds, "Finn and Toby are up too; they're making breakfast. I promise I'll be responsible."

"We know you both will be because you love your sisters."

"Be careful," Harry adds.

“We know,” Maisie and Lola respond before going into the girls’ small room to get pick them up. They’ve all taken sibling classes that taught them how to hold a baby properly and how to change a diaper. They can hear the older girls change the babies’ diapers, Lola’s grossed out noises, and Maisie’s coos. It is very sweet. The girls leave while gently cradling their little sisters. Louis closes his eyes again but Harry has pushed him onto his back before he knows it. Harry is straddling him and Louis smiles up at him.

“Do you think?” Harry asks softly as he presses kisses to Louis’s mouth.

“You are crazy,” Louis laughs but he reaches up his hand to thread his fingers into the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck. Harry slowly starts to travel down Louis’s body, kissing as he goes. Just as he starts to pull down Louis’s pajamas, Toby calls for them. Harry makes a frustrated noise but gets out of bed to go downstairs. Louis goes into their adjoining bathroom to cool off before following Harry downstairs.

In the kitchen, Harry is cutting up fruit while Toby sets the table. Finn is making pancakes and sausage links. Louis pats Finn on the back and he smiles at him; their oldest has gotten Harry’s penchant for cooking and baking. Louis is proud of him and they’ve definitely redeveloped their good relationship. Louis knows that Finn did not trust them and they’ve worked back up to a better place than before. It has a lot to do with how they reacted to the twins’ births and the crises they faced before and after that. Louis can’t believe how wonderful their oldest turned out to be.

Louis ruffles Toby’s hair. Toby has thrived with both his parents around. He’s doing better in school and is far more outgoing. Louis missed a bit too much of his life and he’ll always be sorry for that. He hopes that Toby doesn’t remember those days when he’s older, but if he does, Louis and Harry are ready to take responsibility for it and work to undo any damage the divorce might have caused for any of their children.

Louis drags his fingers along Harry’s hips and back with a grin; Harry stops cutting and turns his head towards Louis for a kiss. Louis obliges him and he relishes in the perfection. There have been hiccups since they got remarried, but they’ve worked hard on being together and being parents. They’ve also worked hard on being themselves. They’ve started to go to maintenance therapy and it helps. Louis cannot wait to spend the rest of his life with Harry and work through everything together.

“Need any help?” Louis asks the room.

“No, thanks, Dad,” Toby says.

“Nah,” Harry and Finn say together, which makes Louis chuckle.

He goes into the living room where their four girls are spending time together. Lola and Ellie are on their tummies while Lola builds a tower with stuffed cubes and Ellie swats at them. When they tumble toward Lola, they both screech happily. Lola has really learned to manage and hone her sass. She is so much like Louis himself that it absolutely terrifies him. She’s horribly protective of her younger siblings and she’s learning how to protect and support them from her older siblings. Louis is so proud of her. Ellie nearly died during delivery and her Apgar scores were super low. She spent two months in the special care unit, but she fought and they fought. She’s behind Nora on developmental milestones, but they’ve rallied around her and Louis prays that it’s working.

Maisie is next to Nora; both of them are on their backs. Maisie is holding a board book over them and is reading it to Nora who is more intent on trying to pull out Maisie’s long curly hair. Maisie has been cancer free for a few years now and they are waiting hopefully for that five-year mark. Maisie with their help has started working extensively with juvenile leukemia groups and she enjoys the charity work. Harry always says she’s so much like Louis with that. They’ve done a lot of great things and supported a lot of children’s “Make A Wish” dreams. Louis still feels inklings of fear, but they get smaller every day. Nora has a personality that seems to blend them all together. She smiles a lot and she screams a lot, and Louis cannot wait for her to grow and bloom in their family.

He’s so glad that he came home and that they worked through the divorce because he cannot imagine his life any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed this story!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I appreciate any and all feedback!
> 
> Come visit me at areyoutherelarry.tumblr.com!


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